Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Habeus Coitus- avec juste un peu de romance. R/3

So it’s off to the lawyers tomorrow. It is now just over three years of proceedings and two decisions made. My hopefully one day EX-wife didn’t like either one, so the process continues. The main reason for her displeasure seems to be she would like everything and that decision hasn’t yet be rendered. Little by little though she will wear the system down. It’s a big system, the justice department of the country of France, it takes time. Shit, it took me fifteen years before I couldn’t take it anymore, who knows how long it will be before our old blind friend Justice gives in and throws up her hands too saying
- okay, okay I've had enough of you, if I give you everything will you leave me alone?

That's what I finally ended up saying. She’s already got the kids and the house but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. She wants something intangible that a public institution just can’t deliver, like tranquility. She thinks it’s something someone should have to give her. It's her due for being so miserable. She is looking for retribution for her lack of it, and is now focused on me. In any case the process continues. As I said it’s already been three years and so far we haven’t budged from point zero.

It’s for that I have an appointment at the lawyers. It’s a new lawyer for stage three now. The other lawyer got tired of it and said a case like this could take many more years. For a flat fee it just didn’t seem worth it to her. Even though it’s her job, I can’t blame her. So now I have to find some other shyster who can see an angle in it. I just want to be done, be able to point her out in a crowd and say - yes, there, that’s her, my ex-wife. I mean I’ve already lost my two kids and the house I bought and rehabbed, what is in it for me. It all seems so pathetic.

The vines go on, we knock down field. They seem to never end too. The nice thing though is that unlike my wife they do and one day long before my divorce is declared we will be done. It’s hard to think that you could grow the grapes, process them, age the wine for a few years, and then drink it before a simple divorce can be decried. Imagine the time it would take to figure out the books that would eventually show just how screwed we got by AIG, Citigroup and the likes. And though that may before I am officially declare divorced, I wouldn’t wait for the book to come out anytime soon.

I am broken battered beaten bruised and bemused with it all. The spring has come on for the last week and the sun tans the skin and raises the sap. The vines are weeping with each slice of the scissors. Literally pouring sap from each new cut. It sometimes makes a small pool below the souche that is quickly absorbed by the dusty earth, leaving just a dark wet stain. I keep looking for some clue to things in the shape of the stain that is left on the ground. So far I have seen nothing but abstract forms. If I do see something I will be sure to let you know.

I did see something yesterday. Or should I say ‘heard’ something. because that’s how I first came to be aware of it. Two eagles copulating. It was a raucous event. It didn’t last long, and lacked any of the ‘hot’ aspect that we sometimes think of when copulating comes to mind, but it was something I never saw before, at least live and un-staged. It made me happy to be where I was for a moment, even if I was sweating it out for minimum wage at a dead end job.

It’s the unexpected that always attracts. It’s for that I am staring at the pools of sap that gather below the cut sarment. I am looking for something unexpected, but recognizable. Like the end of this divorce, or someone fucking someone else, but with love, not anger.


  1. Mom wasn't / isn't the only one who did / does wrong. I think by posting this you're victimizing yourself just as much as her.
    It seems like some middle schooler's blog about how that other person is just so wrong and how they aren't at all.

  2. juste continuer et tenir bon c'est la vie it's way of life pour toi et pour ce moment